One of my biggest internal struggles on my cancer journey has been with
the sometimes exciting, but largely depressing, notion of a bucket list.
My choosing to have, or not to have, a bucket list would
change every few weeks. But I realise now, the weeks when I was pro-bucket list
I was convincing myself that ‘living in the moment’ and ‘making the most of
life’ were phrases that instilled purpose and happiness in a time of
uncertainty and sadness. However, when thinking about what I would write on my
bucket list, I did not feel like I had purpose and I definitely did not feel
happy. Instead, I felt defeated, upset, and I felt like I was dying.
For me, a bucket list was a reminder of what I could not
have.
