Good news and bad news...

A quick update...

Last week I shared the news that my latest CT scan wasn’t great. A lesion on my adrenal gland had grown and there appeared to be activity in my lymph nodes.

It is really difficult to explain the emotions that were triggered by this scan. On one hand, I felt silly that I was so upset by these results because the big picture was not that bad – everything else was stable, which is great! But, this one naughty little lesion had the potential to change the direction of my treatment, a treatment that essentially bought me back from death’s door.

It feels like a lifetime ago that I was given three months to live and being told that my only hope of more time would be gaining access to a clinical trial of the drug Keytruda and hope that it would work.

As long as its not cancer, I can manage...

I never thought that I would so casually say, ‘as long as its not cancer, I can manage’ or ‘it is better than the alternative – dying’. However, this has become my reality. It has become my mantra this week.

As those that follow the Dear Melanoma Facebook Page would know, I have had a bit of a rough trot emotionally. However, this last week I have had some scans and tests that fall outside my normal scheduled trial scans. Enter stress, fear, worry and absolute panic mode.

The last month I have been Ms Twitchy McTwitch. I randomly developed a twitch that is the epitome of annoying. Most (lets be honest, pretty much everyone) that I mentioned it to felt the need to share their story of how they often have twitches and it is due to stress or fatigue. I am very well aware that this may be the case as it is not the first twitch that I have had in my almost 24 years, but what sets my special twitch apart is the fact that I have CANCER – CANCER IN MY BRAIN. For me, it is not quite so easy to dismiss it as just fatigue or stress, but instead I fear that this may be an indicator that something is happening in that brain of mine or potentially could be a sign that the cancer has spread to my spinal chord.